Take Me Back

Mad Hatter: Alice, I dont know whats wrong with me, I cant remember why I’m here, I dont know anything I’m not sure what I’m doing anymore, I—

Alice: Hatter!

Mad Hatter: (looks Alice straight in the eye) Alice, I’m scared. Have I gone mad?

Alice: I’m afraid so. Absolutely bonkers, my friend.

    (takes Hatter’s face into her hands)

    But let me tell you a secret. All the best people are.

03. 06.10

-Morning: Crammed working outline for Socio paper due on Thursday

- Afternoon: Watched Alice in Wonderland with Aby and Mira. The movie is just ok, Johhny Depp’s superb acting made up for the not-so-good screenplay/script. Then went to Divi, and ended up buying shorts.

When I got home everything went back into that normal madness mode again. I tend to overthink things and it makes me sad. And then I thought about my going-back-to-UPD plan, and I realized just how stupid I had been to have put myself in this situation.

And now it’s official. I’m applying for transfer back to Diliman.

An Econ Exam Aftermath

You know that feeling when you think you could have done better but then you would remember how you slacked off the whole day and totally enjoyed it… Yeah, THAT.

 It’s depressing, as if I could have done something about it. And that makes it more difficult. I daresay that if you know me all too well you can tell how I don’t bother over my grades as long as they are passing. I refuse to be grade conscious, simply because I do not believe that learning should be constrained by quantitative measures. However, the problem is, in a society where greatness is equated with an A+, it becomes easy for everyone to judge people just by looking at numbers.

I could be wrong, you could say I’m stupid, that I’m overthinking things, or that my logic is crooked and insane. My mind is churning out all these words right now, one after the other, as if it cannot hold on to these sentiments fast enough. Yes, I am depressed, because I felt guilty. I am depressed, because I think I might have screwed it up again.

See, if you are living on your second chance like me, you would understand why I feel this way over one unashamedly easy exam. I have gone through a lot of those moments when you know you would have known that the answer is B and not D, if only you have stayed a minute more on that notebook page and internalized the scribbles. I blamed myself a hundred times, and when everything fell out of its rightful place, I crashed. I stayed low, kept to myself, realized everything was my fault, but a bit of it was fate’s way of poking fun at me.

I messed me up. And then I asked for a second chance. It is then when I thought that I had it all, and I told myself that I was so stupid to leave it all behind. The second chance came, fortunately. But I do not believe in happy endings.

Second chances do not matter at times. People never change. Second chances do not work. It’s because people rarely, if never, change. And so if another chance at getting it right comes, it will be a useless opportunity for someone who, in the first place, didnt get that it is the “I” that is wrong.

See, that’s the whole story. Now next time someone tells me to not bother because I’m good, I might want refer him to this post, so he would know the story.

I am living on a second chance. So don’t tell me how to act after a depressing sir arcilla exam.