Odd Thoughts, Odd Days

The dark days are back.

I tried to focus. My head dangled over one arm of the rugged green sofa, my weary feet rested on the other. On days like this, nothing seems to make sense. Everything’s a blur. A lot of things run through my head, like financial figures and headlines that stream below the tv screen. It could have been a brilliant thing, to have ideas just come up in your mind, much more when it happens at random. But the way I see it… it seems like a curse.

The problem is, when things run through my mind like that, they all go too fast. In a flash. And most of the time I would fail to hold on to it. The idea would slip through my mind and I can’t hold it there, just like you can’t keep water on your hands. It’s frustrating to think that idea bulb just lighted up, and the next moment it’s busted. And this thing going on irritates me. It’s depressing. It consumes energy.

I crashed early last night, hoping it would be a good night’s sleep. The past week had been everything but relaxed.  And so I fell asleep. But shortly it started. I don’t know if I was awake or what, but in that momentary wakefulness, things started to bother my neurons. Hell, I sort of wanted to kick them out of my mind the way you get rid of crumpled pieces of paper on the floor What’s more irritating is that the ideas I caught glimpse of are that of haikus and the damned pictures.

 The dark days are back. Dark moods. Odd thoughts, odd days. When anti-anxiety medications don’t work anymore, I just hope for one thing. That my mind would shut off, even just for a night.