Odd Thoughts, Odd Days

The dark days are back.

I tried to focus. My head dangled over one arm of the rugged green sofa, my weary feet rested on the other. On days like this, nothing seems to make sense. Everything’s a blur. A lot of things run through my head, like financial figures and headlines that stream below the tv screen. It could have been a brilliant thing, to have ideas just come up in your mind, much more when it happens at random. But the way I see it… it seems like a curse.

The problem is, when things run through my mind like that, they all go too fast. In a flash. And most of the time I would fail to hold on to it. The idea would slip through my mind and I can’t hold it there, just like you can’t keep water on your hands. It’s frustrating to think that idea bulb just lighted up, and the next moment it’s busted. And this thing going on irritates me. It’s depressing. It consumes energy.

I crashed early last night, hoping it would be a good night’s sleep. The past week had been everything but relaxed.  And so I fell asleep. But shortly it started. I don’t know if I was awake or what, but in that momentary wakefulness, things started to bother my neurons. Hell, I sort of wanted to kick them out of my mind the way you get rid of crumpled pieces of paper on the floor What’s more irritating is that the ideas I caught glimpse of are that of haikus and the damned pictures.

 The dark days are back. Dark moods. Odd thoughts, odd days. When anti-anxiety medications don’t work anymore, I just hope for one thing. That my mind would shut off, even just for a night.

Task of the Week

Econ Madness

I don’t know if we should be ashamed of ourselves or what. Basta masaya. Eh di mapigilang matawa eh, masama ba? Haha.

 Nakakaantok ang Econ class. I know okie naman magdiscuss si sir arcilla. Kaya lang, eh high school pa lang tinutulugan ko na ang Econ. Siguro nga yung subject talaga ang nakakaantok. O kaya yung time (Haller, 1-3 ba naman!).

 Anyway, kanina, someone saved us from falling asleep altogether. Haha. There’s this girl at the back who kept sneezing and blowing off her nose all throughout the class. I was seated sa far end of the row, para nakasandal sa wall kung antukin man. Eh kanina antok na talaga ako. And then the girl started sneezing. Tapos grabe lang siya maka-singha. Sabi nga nila, sininga na daw yung utak. Ahahahha. Ayun, the girl continued blowing her brains out of her nose. Habang pinipilit kong maging GISING, napatingin ako kay Faisah. He was containing his laughter and his face was so red. Sabi niya nagising daw siya dahil ang lakas nga nung pagsingha! Ayan, natawa na din ako. Tin and Nyn were laughing as well. Eh tawang-tawa na talaga ako, sabi ni Tin namumula na nga ata ako, and I was shaking. Di ko keri ang ganitong mga situations, kailangan kong ilabas ang tawa. Kaya lang nakakahiya namang bigla na lang tumawa (nakakahiya kay sir arcilla, hindi dun sa girl).

And the scandalosang pagsingha continued. Grabe, two hours. Natatawa na din yung mga DS sa harap namin. Ahahaha. At ako pa ang napagbintangang “mean”. AHAHAHA. Sorry naman, eh nakakatawa naman talaga.

Eh tapos bigla pa nilang nilabas si “hubad” na ice cream. Takte. Wala na. Tawa na lang tayo! Kaguluhan.

Grabe, di ako makaget-over. Baka mapanaginipan ko na may sumisingha. Ahahhaa.

Why DevStud? Career: Restart.

JC, my hs semi-grandslam, messaged me last night, asking if i have already applied to any law school. He must have forgotten that I’m lagging behind the batch. Our batchmates are going to law and med schools (congrats to the 5 MaScians– go UP Med) next academic year, and here I am, 2 years behind. I actually don’t mind it, the engineering dudes in UP will still be sweating it out at least for one more year (si Aby nga sshift pa lang next year eh! ). And of course, nandyan ang mga taong delayed. That’s why I’m not that pressured. Slight lang.

I know that no matter what happens, JC is going to med school. Eh first year pa lang kami sabi niya nga magdodoktor siya, kaya lang nung second year, I doubted him. We were dissecting frogs in bio class, eh tapos yung frog niya, ang aga nagising. Insides out yung frog, tapos he was holding it down kasi nagpupumiglas na. Akala ko hihimatayin na siya. Eh he wanted to be a surgeon daw, cardio ata. Ayun, tawa na lang kami.

Pag determinado ang tao, walang mahirap, walang nakakatamad. JC’s that type of student. And I am not. Eh ni wala nga akong concrete plans nung high school eh. But if there’s one thing that I know I really wanted back then, that is to have a career in science. Yun lang ang plano ko.

When I was in second grade, I got a genetic engineering book from a book fair sa school. Uso pa nun yung sustagen, tapos yung scoop iipunin mo, tapos papalitan nila ng books. That genetic engineering book made an impact on me, that by the time I graduated from elementary, I know i wanted to be a genetic engineer. Eh di bongga. For that reason, I took the entrance exam sa MaSci. Naalala ko mas mahigpit dati kaysa sa admission process ngayon, kaya naman bida-bida kami sa lower batches. Kung nung college admission exam season ay may mga dramang “UP or nothing!”, nagdrama akong “MaSci or nothing” dati. Haha. Ambisyosong bata.

However, when I entered MaSci at nakakausap na ako ng mga geeky, I found out na walang specialized genetic engineering institution dito. Sa States pa. Ayun, namatay lang naman ang genetic engineering dream ko. At wala na. And then came the UPCAT, dahil nga ambisyosa ako, I applied for MBB, and then ChemEngg. Kamusta naman ang MBB, quadruple quota ata iyon at di naman ako halimaw, kaya sure out na yun. Ayan, napunta sa ChemEngg.

And three years later, DevStud na ako. Of course, it’s out of my comfort zone. But I promise I’ll apply for law school, no matter what happens. I wanted to make something out of this opportunity. And this time, I won’t settle for less than what I deserve.

21st

What should we toast to?

 Last year’s birthday wish came true. A year later, I’m back on my own, stronger than before. More determined than ever. 

And as I blew the candles on my birthday cake, right out there on the street (because the manong @ Drews confiscated the cake!), I realized that there should be more to life than what I’m doing right now.

\Actually, I haven’t really thought about that. Haller, I was drunk, I threw up before the blowing of the candles and my vision’s too blurred to count if there really were 21 candles on the cake. Anyway, I think that was my best birthday celeb to date. My birthday week was hell, and to get all drunk up on a Friday night is the best reward.

Friday was looove. Got some nice and crazy bonding time with DevStud mates. It was an instant after-party. It was cool, got to know them more. There are two MaScians (08) in my class (Kristine and Pat), and drinking with them made me feel like I’m with my batchmates. Fellow shiftees Nyn and Tin (rhyming!) were in the drinking table as well… and everybody seems to be in party mode, shot after shot.

After that, I’m off to Diliman for round 2. I was tipsy by the time we left Niro, thanks to Nyn for helping me get there safe and sound.  I think I’ve found Aby’s UPM counterpart.

It was a blast with the dudes, as always. Old times. The red lights @ Drews are weird. Peejay and Bullet came in a little late, can’t deny the effort. I miss UPD. Seriously. Now I’m thinking of going back. Haha. I wanted to check out BA PublicAd…

And that was it. My 21st. Arggh. I’m getting old.

Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love. If you must steal, steal away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away.